I’m having a confusing bout of doing everything I can to mess up my efforts to prepare for training for an ultra next summer. I’m not sure what’s going on in my head because I usually don’t get stuck in self-defeating behavior patterns for this wrong. I’m hopeful that if I write about it, it’ll help get my head in a better, healthier place.

This run was fun. There were moments I felt fluid & fast. I’m trying to make up fitness I lost over the past five months. Running has felt like a workout — at times it felt like punishment — so this was a huge emotional boost.

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I finally got out for a run. I pushed myself a bit, and it felt good. #beatyesterday #garmin

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I planned to run for a couple of hours, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I decided that the Brain Training for Runners is too much for me right now. I need to get back to a baseline level of fitness first. It’s going to take a lot of work, but I’m hopeful I can work myself to that level before I start training for Millersylvania 50K.

I’ve delayed writing this blog, and I’m not entirely sure why. It’s been ten days, and I still haven’t completely sorted out my feelings. Relief & a sense of accomplishment at completing what I couldn’t do last year. Discomfort with being out of shape & some of the stupid mistakes I made. Disappointment the weather preventing me from seeing some of the amazing views this section has. Reluctance to admit how often it was hard or sucky or just not fun.

Here’s the journal I kept through the hike. I’ll write a more detailed blog after a bit of processing and going through the pictures I took.

I had great plans for this hike – an 18-mile loop that’d take me from ridge lines to river valleys. I based this loop on the interactive map the US Forest Service provides. I planned to hike in a ways Friday evening, thinking that’d leave plenty of time to do the remaining miles on Saturday & Sunday.

I knew going in that this trip would be a stretch. I haven’t done any hiking this summer, and I’ve only managed a few trail runs. But it was important for me to get out there & hike. I knew that if I needed to, I could spend an extra day; my goal was to get the entire loop done in one day.

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