I’m having a confusing bout of doing everything I can to mess up my efforts to prepare for training for an ultra next summer. I’m not sure what’s going on in my head because I usually don’t get stuck in self-defeating behavior patterns for this wrong. I’m hopeful that if I write about it, it’ll help get my head in a better, healthier place.

I keep declaring “This is! This is my new start down a healthier road!” and then I immediately crash into the nearest tree. I’m trying to embrace the mindset that every day is an opportunity to start fresh, but I’m mostly just using that as an excuse to indulge in something I shouldn’t by telling myself, “”I’ll start over tomorrow.” My weight has stagnated above 170, and that’s not acceptable. I lost ten pounds over the winter a few years ago! I know that I have the discipline to stick to a program – I just need to keep that desire at the front of my brain.

I’m hopeful I can get back on track & stay there for a bit. On the plus side, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that training for Millersylvania 50K will focus on miles & getting stronger instead of doing a ton of hill work. (Millersylvania is a 10 km loop with 300′ of elevation gain & loss per loop. 1500′ of gain & loss in a 50K is practically “flat.”) I need hill workouts to get stronger and to ensure my body can handle descents, but I don’t need a lot of vertical stuff to be able to do this race.

My primary focus has been on getting my body ready for training. I’ll be hosting the Kim’s Bad Knee 5K on January 4th, so a lot of my training has been 2-4 mile runs. I’m hopeful the winter won’t keep me off of the local trails this year as I no longer have a club membership — I hate running on treadmills anyway so that’s hardly a loss — and my last effort at running on pavement hurt so bad I didn’t run for a week.

I’m not entirely sure what to do about the nutrition end. I did well for a while on putting most of my calorie intake in the morning. I know I do best if I plan out my entire day & log my food intake in the morning. That way I know exactly how many “spare” calories I have. I need to get back into doing that. Doing this going into the holidays is not going to be easy, but I’ve done it before. I just need to remind myself how stubborn I am.