I’m having a confusing bout of doing everything I can to mess up my efforts to prepare for training for an ultra next summer. I’m not sure what’s going on in my head because I usually don’t get stuck in self-defeating behavior patterns for this wrong. I’m hopeful that if I write about it, it’ll help get my head in a better, healthier place.

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This run was fun. There were moments I felt fluid & fast. I’m trying to make up fitness I lost over the past five months. Running has felt like a workout — at times it felt like punishment — so this was a huge emotional boost.

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I finally got out for a run. I pushed myself a bit, and it felt good. #beatyesterday #garmin

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I planned to run for a couple of hours, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I decided that the Brain Training for Runners is too much for me right now. I need to get back to a baseline level of fitness first. It’s going to take a lot of work, but I’m hopeful I can work myself to that level before I start training for Millersylvania 50K.

I’ve delayed writing this blog, and I’m not entirely sure why. It’s been ten days, and I still haven’t completely sorted out my feelings. Relief & a sense of accomplishment at completing what I couldn’t do last year. Discomfort with being out of shape & some of the stupid mistakes I made. Disappointment the weather preventing me from seeing some of the amazing views this section has. Reluctance to admit how often it was hard or sucky or just not fun.

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Here’s the journal I kept through the hike. I’ll write a more detailed blog after a bit of processing and going through the pictures I took.

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I had great plans for this hike – an 18-mile loop that’d take me from ridge lines to river valleys. I based this loop on the interactive map the US Forest Service provides. I planned to hike in a ways Friday evening, thinking that’d leave plenty of time to do the remaining miles on Saturday & Sunday.

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